On the train home from work, you decide you’re going to skip smoking tonight. You’d like to get to bed a little earlier. Then you get home, change clothes, and smoke before you’ve even thought about dinner. Halfway through the evening you remember the plan you made on the train. I didn’t even really want to smoke tonight. So why did I?
If you asked me whether smoking weed every night is a problem, I’d want to hear more about that moment. How often you smoke is one piece of it. I’m also interested in what you look forward to about getting high, what happens on the nights you try to skip it, and what made you ask the question now.
Hi, I’m Kendall, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor offering in-person therapy in Midtown Manhattan and virtual therapy throughout NY and NJ.
I work with young adults who want to better their relationship with substances — both marijuana and alcohol, food, body image, and anxiety. I hope this article helps. If you’re in need of individual support, please reach out to see if I might be able to offer you the support you need and deserve.
Thoughts and Questions About Weed to Explore
“I get everything done. I just feel kind of stuck.”
Say you leave your office in Midtown still replaying a conversation with your boss. Getting high helps you put work down for the night. You make dinner, watch something funny, and for a few hours you can enjoy being home. It makes sense that you’d look forward to that, especially after a stressful day in the city.
Lately, though, you’ve been staying up later because you want a little more time to enjoy the high. When a friend asks if you’re free after work, you catch yourself hoping they’ll cancel. By Friday you’ve done everything you needed to do that week. You just can’t remember the last time you did anything you were excited to tell someone about.
That’s the part I’d want to spend some time on with you. What do you miss having time for? And on a night when you could go do that thing, what makes staying home and smoking feel more appealing? “Honestly, I’m exhausted” and “I get anxious showing up by myself” would take us in pretty different directions.
What happens when you try to take a night off?
You might miss the ritual of smoking after dinner. You might also notice that when you cut back, you feel irritable or have trouble sleeping. With regular cannabis use, your body can get used to it, and sleep disruption and restlessness can be part of withdrawal. If sleep keeps being difficult, or cutting back feels hard to manage on your own, bring that up with a healthcare professional.
A few signs worth discussing with a clinician are using more than you meant to, repeatedly trying to cut back and finding you can’t, or giving up things you care about to use weed. You can also come in with a much quieter concern, like wanting to spend an evening with your partner without thinking about when you can go smoke.
Want to start with a small change now?
Reflect on the part of the evening you’re worried about
If you’re thinking about smoking less, which part sounds hardest? Maybe it’s getting into bed. The lights go out and suddenly you’re composing tomorrow’s emails in your head. Try giving those thoughts five minutes on paper before you turn in. Write down the thing you’re afraid you’ll forget, close the notebook, and leave it where you can find it in the morning.
Or maybe it’s seven o’clock, you’ve eaten, and the rest of the night feels long. This is where I like something you can do with your hands. Remember that little crochet kit you bought and never opened? Take it out while you watch your show. If what you’re actually missing is company, ask a friend to come over for dinner. You can tell them, “I’m trying a night without smoking. Want to come hang out anyway?”
You can also try pausing at the moment you’d usually light up. Set a timer for five minutes and notice what the urge feels like. Are your hands restless? Are you already bargaining with yourself about tomorrow night? See what changes while you wait. This is one way to practice urge surfing. When the timer goes off, you get to decide what you want to do next. Even if you still want to smoke, you may have a better sense of what you were hoping it would do for you tonight.
Support for Questioning Your Marijuana Use in Midtown Manhattan
What does therapy with you look like?
If this sounds familiar, we can start with an ordinary evening. Tell me about the last time you wanted to smoke, or the last time you wished you hadn’t. What did you enjoy? What would you have liked to go differently? From there, we can talk about what cutting back or quitting would look like in your actual week, with your job, your friends, and the things that help you unwind.
I offer marijuana use therapy in person in Midtown Manhattan and virtually throughout New York and New Jersey. If you’re still figuring out what you want, you’re welcome to schedule a free consultation and tell me what’s been on your mind.
